A little Faith Restored.

Faith, its a fickle thing mine has been all but gone lately. Last night and today, a little was restored a lot actually. What really made me realize and embrace this finding of faith was the blog of my friend and co-worker Jennifer. Last week she lost her wedding ring, she was devastated. I have never seem this woman as upset and hurt as she was. I hurt with her. But through the unbelievable good will of a stranger in another town her ring was found and returned. Not kept, not pawned returned. RETURNED, I just cant believe it was even found, in a parking lot, in Gadsden, by a stranger. There are real people, honest people still kicking around in this world! My little glass of faith just filled a little.

Last nights restoration happened because I got to see, talk to, hang out and play games with my friends, my long lost friends. We all get busy with our lives and loose touch with each other sometimes. I didnt realize how much I missed these people til we were all together again, just us laughing, crying, smiling, loving our time together (Ami and SteveO-missed yall). i still feel like my soul is smiling, and its been a long time since that has happened. I owe ya'll a great big thank you. RR, I am so very sorry you are sad and i hate to regurgitate the cliche BS of 'you did the right thing' but you did. Bobby, what can I say.... I have MISSED (get that MIIIIISSSSSSEDDDDDD) you, understand! T&R love you guys and Jim H. welcome to the clan. And of course, last but certainly not lease my hubby for without him I wouldnt know these people, nor would I be the crazy grinning lunatic I am today, he lets me be me and he loves the way I am.

So you see, I'm full today, full of smiles, hugs, happiness, warmth, hope and most of all a little faith.

age, its all relative

I was thinking about my age this morning. I'm 37, I'll be 38 in 1 month, 19 days. So what!

What is 37 suppose to feel like? What do the "rules" say? You know, the rules in that super secret book of life some people refer too. Those some people being the ones that say things like, "you are too old to act like that" or "look at her, she should know better" or "aren't you to old to wear THAT" or "she should be ashamed to be that age and ... (insert whatever here)".

Age has never been an issue in my family. The "30 something" stigma wasnt a thing. I want to grow old, otherwise you grow dead. I want to die a very old woman, full of life experiences and love. I dont want to say, 'I wish I had done....whatever'. I want to have a kick ass party when I turn 40, why? Because I want to, its 40. I want to have another one when I turn 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 and the best one 99. Again, why? 'cause I want to.

I talked to a good friend yesterday that said since he's turned 43, he has felt great! I think thats what made me start thinking about my age, my years in life, my life experiences, what 37 is suppose to feel like. Whatever it is, I'm making it better!

People in our lives

Do you ever really think about the people that waltz thought your life? Can you remember your first best friend? Your first Love? Whats your first memory and whos in it?

For me its my great grandmother, Big Mama, the first thing I can really recall is sitting on the floor in her kitchen, playing with a fluted pie pan while she cooked. The oven was in a different place than it was in latter years and i remember it. Mama says i couldnt of been more than 2 1/2 or 3. She remembers this too.

I remember my first love and first kiss, same person. Sean Taylor, I see him some now and immediately flash back to our first meeting and him holding my hand. See I had a cast on my leg, I broke my ankle, and the youth man from church asked Sean to walk with me on this little hike, up a mountain path so I wouldnt get hurt. A few things are strange here, one-i already had a cast on my leg, two-I was hiking, in the woods with a cast on my leg and three-obviously i could take care of myself because I was hiking in the woods with a cast on my leg. I let him hold my hand though (smile) and loved every minute of it. I was 12, he was 14, puppy love! I think he remembers too, its the smile that gives him away!

So many people go thorough our lives, more than relatives, some friends some acquaintances, some I wish i could forget. Were our friendships stronger when we were younger because we had less baggage? or stronger now because we can appreciate people more?

People just pop into my head, Stacy Young, Chuck Warnakey, Kelly Sailors, Kim Bailey, Skeet, Marc, Daniel, Vickie Anderson, Kathy, Darren, Byron, Brian, Butch, James, Eddie Reaves... where are these people now? we were such good friends then, what happened? I think we just outgrow some people and have to more on, divorce them if you will. But what about others that mean so much to us at different times, for so many different reasons. Like Mrs. Dillon, my bible teacher from elementary school, I love to see her now, she looks exactly the same and I swear I remember every word and story she ever told. Mrs. White and Mrs. Byrd, two different teachers I just loved. Mrs. Davis, one I didnt really like at all, but I remember her! Mrs. Montgomery - she scared the hell out of me, made me actually fear Math. Mrs Daniels-she worked with my Mama and scared me a lot! Nanny Lemon, she wasnt really a relative, just an older lady that lived next door. She always had a candy dish with 3 Musketeers in it, in her China cabinet and she made me birthday cakes with blue roses, I liked blue flowers! Mr. Lemon smoked cherry vanilla pipes, always smelled so good. Every time I smell cherry vanilla it makes me smile.

High school, a traumatic time, with soooo many people and so many changes. Coach Bennet, home room teacher and softball coach. Now he's a commissioner or something in town, I still love to see hi, he always remembers me and my brother. Mrs Coleman, computer teacher, loved her, learned the 'if then' statement and abused it on any computer i could get to, to program in bad ways. Mrs. Breeden, art teacher extroidenair, helped me get a full scholarship to JSU! then on to college, wow, more people, so many teachers, room mates, Greeks, geeks and friends.

i would like to say I remember all the people that have come into my life, this isnt true, but all of you have helped me grow into the person, good or bad, that I am today. And there are a few very special friends that I am lucky enough to have in my life now, that I hope I get to say are mine for many, many years.

I wonder what old friends think of me? does anyone remember me? does anyone want to re-connect with me? Do the teachers i look up to know that i do? Mrs. Dillon knows I still have the little colored book she gave me in 1st grade, I really do! Im a pack rat, thats something for another blog though.

So I hope i am fondly remembered by old friends and thought of nicely by new ones! if no well, fine!

Spring Fever?

I dont know what has come over me the last 2 days. I have been in the best of moods. I've wondered if its "Pre" Spring Fever, I mean it was 73˚ today. Its January 10th and 73 damn degrees! I had on a spring shirt today because its to hot to wear long sleeves or sweaters. they really become sweat-ers right now!

Anyway, i so easy get off the subject, sorry! Pre Spring Fever.... the weather has been so warm, I just wonder am I already going into spring mode? My tulips are, they have already shot some of their green leaves out of the soil in my back flower bed. This worries me though, does this mean they will be confused come the real spring? will they go dormant again if/when it ever gets cold? will they stay active and get hurt by the cold? will they bloom early and freeze in March or bloom late and fry in the heat? Last year my tulips were gorgeous, they all bloomed so big and beautiful and tall! (as seen above) My Gerber Daisies, however, didn't do so well. they bloomed, all bright and yellow and red, but I think since we had such a weird cold spring, they were stunted. They were all only 2 or 3 inches tall. Full blooms, short stalks. It was so strange, like I had midget daisies. Its the same ones i have had for years, but short. My daffy dills were the same way. Who knows!

I know some of you, my friends, have been worried about me and my state of mind of late. Actually since, like, October. Well I hope you can tell, I am feeling much better, much happier, much less depressed. Yes I can now say, I was quite depressed. I probably should of sought an alternative medication, but i am much better now. I cant say what changed, what was altered in the Universe, but something has changed and I have changed.

So... I hope I havent gone into "pre" spring mode too early, i dont want to be stunted or hurt by the cold that may and will come. Thank you friends for standing by me, with me and sometimes holding me!

I hope to bloom beautifully in the spring, and stand tall!

worried

well i didnt know i was actually worried till i saw the afore mentioned The One. well i was worried i had offended The One with a previous blog, i didnt offend, thank God. I dont usually worry about much, so this surprised me!

its funny how you start thinking about things you have said or didnt say, body language and such. and how very important things become. life changes so fast. you can see it sometimes, slipping right through your fingers. you cant stop it, like sand, slipping away, to collect on the ground at your feet, or wash away in the surf.

sometimes, someones arms wraped around you, although briefly can pull you back from something dark, well unknown, maybe not dark but mysterious.

thank you JC for checking on me today, it really, really meant a lot to know you were not only reading me but worried about me! I'm sorry if I have worried you, thats not my intention. this (blogs) gives me a chance to get some stuff out of my head and also gives me a chance to tell some folks how i feel, without fear of being pushed away or rebuffed, rejected of refused. i do wish some of you would respond, you know who you are. i'm not sure how but something.

this blog has no point, except to say thank you to JC and The One. thank you really doesnt say enough. nothing does. friends, i love you. good night