The Mad Pisser

I do not like to do things twice. Its an undefinable annoyance to me, a huge waste of time and energy. Not just my energy but household energy!

I will explain this rant. Roxanne, my kitty of 14 years, has started missing the kitty pan - by 10 feet or so. Old cats do this, I have had many cats in my life and as they age sometimes their bathroom habits are the first to go, literally. I don't know if its, forgetfulness, I don't care any-more-ness, senility or pure stubbornness. She pees on anything left on the floor. Granted, clothing shouldn't be on the floor, but come on people, stuff gets left on, knocked of onto or simply thrown - onto the floor. The clothes basket, full of CLEAN clothes belongs on the floor, till I get to them to fold and put away. Roxanne likes to - shall we say - test my patients, and olfactory glands, she will pee in the basket, on the clean clothes. I usually discover this as I reach in to grab socks to fold and shriek in anger and disgust as I realize whats transpired. So back in the washer they go, to be washed AGAIN.

She also has a thing for my shoes, my outside shoes to be specific. My outside shoes are old red rubber slip on (mules) Birkenstocks, I've had them for years. They no longer have any traction or pattern on the bottom, most of the Birkenstock logo is worn off and the right one is torn on the side where the dog stepped in the the shoe I moved forward. The tear is getting larger and I need to replace them, but I love these shoes. If I had to pick one pair of my many many shoes to wear forever, these would be it. They wouldn't go with my pink sundress, but who cares really. Anyway, Roxanne also loves these shoes, really loves these shoes and they hold just the right amount of cat urine to completely soak one sock and send the wearer into a tirade of dance moves and profanity. If I leave them by the door, which is where you are suppose to leave the shoes you slip on to take out the garbage, get the mail, go to the dog pen or compost pile, she always finds them, and uses them. Hey, maybe if I put kitty litter in each one she will get the hint!

Well now, Roxanne finds herself confined to the back porch, she hates it. She is an air conditioned snob cat. She has LONG white hair, which coves most of my clothing so if you've ever seen me, you've seen Roxanne hair. Her spot, and I mean HER spot, if you are in it she pitches a fit, is on my side of the bed, laying on or right below my pillow. Needless to say the back porch does not hold these comfy amenities and she is angry. Which means she is probably peeing on something out there, but the porch I can clean with the water hose! I know most people would say, throw her into the yard. Well, I cant do that, shes old, kinda fragile and I love her. She annoys the crap out of me but she's still my baby. I don't throw away my pets when I get tired of them or they get old. I love them till they go to kitty heaven and then I have a very short meaningful funeral service in my back yard.

So I will keep Roxanne as comfortable as we both can stand, my shoes in the closet, my clothes off the floor, Mr. Clean in the mop bucket, fresh kitty litter in the pan and a place in my heart for the mad pisser!

Twilight Shoe Zone

Ok, went shopping tonight for shoes for a wedding this weekend. I thought it would be easy to find a simple pair of sandals or flats, nothing fancy. Something a little comfy, not fussy or painful. This proved to be way harder than I thought it would be. After getting lost in a sea of 3 and 4 inch heals that the highest paid prostitute would be proud to own, I moved on the the granny shoes. You know the ones I mean with the gummy soles and wide band that crosses the toe area a little to high. So on I looked, moved on to the flats, how can you go wrong there..... things went so wrong. Apparently these shoes are made for flat footed people with short toes. I am neither flat footed nor do I have short toes. To make it worse my second toe is longer than my big toe, not freakishly long, but long enough to matter in shoes made for a short toed flat feet. Frog feet.

I didnt want heals, I have learned I cannot operate in heals. I'm not dancing a jig or running a marathon, I just need to be able to safely navigate through whatever arena I find myself, be it work, church, Wal Mart, my living room. I am not the most graceful person, I tend to walk to fast and not watch were I am going. Well I found a pair of low, strappy black sandals, pretty comfy and so not what I was looking for. I got them anyway! I found another pair that 'will do' if I cant find something more girly for this dress.

I prefer to wear flip flops, Birkenstocks, Keens, tennis shoes, bare feet, none of which go with a dressy dress for wedding. So I find myself in the Twilight Shoe Zone where nothing fits just right, blisters are a regular part of my skin, my second toe hurts from pressing on the end of frog flats, if it fits my heal it hurts my toes if it fits my toes it hurts my heel.

Reckon painting my feet pink for the wedding would be to much???

DON'T YELL AT ME!!!!!!

Yesterday morning, 7:20am, Birmingham airport, Ray, Jeremy, myself and 300 of our newest friends are all trying to get through security. Lucky us, it was a high security day, yippy. Waiting in line, walking on a cold floor barefoot, everything removed from every pocket, trying to carry our carry ons while removing the computer from the bag, cameras from the bag, cellphones out and off. All this was ok, the YELLING wasnt. This one woman, drill Sargent TSA agent was walking up and down the outside of the amusement park type line screaming at everyone to have all of this stuff done. How in the blazes are we suppose to be able to first-walk, second-remove our shoes, belts.., third-carry everything, fourth-while all this is going on, remove everything from everything while being pushed forward by people about to miss their planes.... all while someone is YELLING at us to move forward.

DON'T YELL AT ME!!! Its not my fault we have crazy people in this world which lead airports to make everyone go through such extremes in security. Dont get me wrong, I am happy to go through security, happy there are rules that everyone has to follow, this doesn't bother me. i dressed appropriately to be searched. I wore slip on shoes, no belt, loose clothes. I dumped my purse and removed everything I thought would be questionable. I was prepared with the computer and cameras thanks to Barbs advise. Others, were not so prepared. and the Yelling, really could of done without that.

So everyone was getting through, getting re-dressed putting all their belongings back in cases and bags and running for their planes. We made it, I saw a few who didn't and they were not happy. I imagine the yelling woman was about to get yelled at! Go Get Her!!!!!!