Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Mad Pisser

I do not like to do things twice. Its an undefinable annoyance to me, a huge waste of time and energy. Not just my energy but household energy!

I will explain this rant. Roxanne, my kitty of 14 years, has started missing the kitty pan - by 10 feet or so. Old cats do this, I have had many cats in my life and as they age sometimes their bathroom habits are the first to go, literally. I don't know if its, forgetfulness, I don't care any-more-ness, senility or pure stubbornness. She pees on anything left on the floor. Granted, clothing shouldn't be on the floor, but come on people, stuff gets left on, knocked of onto or simply thrown - onto the floor. The clothes basket, full of CLEAN clothes belongs on the floor, till I get to them to fold and put away. Roxanne likes to - shall we say - test my patients, and olfactory glands, she will pee in the basket, on the clean clothes. I usually discover this as I reach in to grab socks to fold and shriek in anger and disgust as I realize whats transpired. So back in the washer they go, to be washed AGAIN.

She also has a thing for my shoes, my outside shoes to be specific. My outside shoes are old red rubber slip on (mules) Birkenstocks, I've had them for years. They no longer have any traction or pattern on the bottom, most of the Birkenstock logo is worn off and the right one is torn on the side where the dog stepped in the the shoe I moved forward. The tear is getting larger and I need to replace them, but I love these shoes. If I had to pick one pair of my many many shoes to wear forever, these would be it. They wouldn't go with my pink sundress, but who cares really. Anyway, Roxanne also loves these shoes, really loves these shoes and they hold just the right amount of cat urine to completely soak one sock and send the wearer into a tirade of dance moves and profanity. If I leave them by the door, which is where you are suppose to leave the shoes you slip on to take out the garbage, get the mail, go to the dog pen or compost pile, she always finds them, and uses them. Hey, maybe if I put kitty litter in each one she will get the hint!

Well now, Roxanne finds herself confined to the back porch, she hates it. She is an air conditioned snob cat. She has LONG white hair, which coves most of my clothing so if you've ever seen me, you've seen Roxanne hair. Her spot, and I mean HER spot, if you are in it she pitches a fit, is on my side of the bed, laying on or right below my pillow. Needless to say the back porch does not hold these comfy amenities and she is angry. Which means she is probably peeing on something out there, but the porch I can clean with the water hose! I know most people would say, throw her into the yard. Well, I cant do that, shes old, kinda fragile and I love her. She annoys the crap out of me but she's still my baby. I don't throw away my pets when I get tired of them or they get old. I love them till they go to kitty heaven and then I have a very short meaningful funeral service in my back yard.

So I will keep Roxanne as comfortable as we both can stand, my shoes in the closet, my clothes off the floor, Mr. Clean in the mop bucket, fresh kitty litter in the pan and a place in my heart for the mad pisser!

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